Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Internal Family Systems starts from the idea that a mind is made of parts, and that every part, even the ones that cause you trouble, is trying to help.
You Are Made of Parts
Most of us already talk this way. Part of me wants to go, and part of me wants to stay home. Part of me knows it was not my fault, and part of me still feels ashamed. Internal Family Systems, often called IFS, takes that everyday language seriously.
In IFS, parts are not symptoms to get rid of. They are more like members of an inner family, each with its own job, its own fears and its own history. Some parts learned their jobs very young, under very hard conditions, and they are still doing them long after the conditions changed.
Protectors and the Parts They Guard
Some parts are protectors. One might keep you busy so you never have to sit with a feeling. One might criticize you harshly before anyone else gets the chance. One might shut everything down, go numb, or reach for something that takes the edge off. These parts can look like the problem. In IFS they are treated as loyal, overworked and often exhausted.
Protectors usually guard more tender parts, parts that carry old pain, fear or shame. The work is not to force past protectors to get to that pain. It is to get to know them, to ask what they are afraid would happen if they stopped, and to earn their trust. Nothing is taken from you without permission, including permission from your own parts.
Self: The Part That Is Not a Part
IFS also describes something called Self. Self is not another part. It is the calm, curious, compassionate center that is there underneath, even when it has been crowded out for years. You may recognize it as the moments you can look at your own struggle with kindness instead of alarm.
Much of IFS is about helping parts step back enough for Self to be present, and then letting Self be the one who listens to the parts. I am not the one who heals your parts. I am there to help you get to know them from a steadier place.
Why IFS Fits Trauma and Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse
If you grew up in a home where you were hurt or neglected, parts of you had to organize around survival. Being watchful, being perfect, being invisible, being angry first: these were intelligent responses to an impossible situation. IFS honors that intelligence instead of pathologizing it.
IFS also gives you a way to approach painful memories without flooding. You do not have to tell your whole story to begin. We can start with a protector that is showing up in your life right now and let the pace come from there. You can read more on my trauma and PTSD page and my page for adult survivors of childhood abuse.
Gentle Pacing
Pacing is the heart of how I use IFS. If a part says it is not ready, we listen. If you notice yourself getting overwhelmed, we slow down, ground in the room, or come back another day. Going slowly is not falling behind. For many inner systems, going slowly is the only way that feels safe enough to go at all.
I also combine IFS with somatic work when it helps. Parts often show up in the body first, as a clenched jaw or a sinking stomach, and noticing the body can be a way of meeting them.
How IFS Adapts for Teens
Teens often take to the language of parts quickly, because it lets them talk about contradictory feelings without being told they are being dramatic. A teen might describe the part that gets angry at their parents, the part that wants to be left alone, and the part that is scared about the future, all in one session.
With teens I keep IFS light and practical. We might draw parts, give them names, or talk about them the way you would describe characters. Parents are welcome to learn the language too, so home can become a place where parts are understood rather than argued with. More on working with young people lives on my children and teens page.
Questions About This Approach
Do I have to talk about my trauma in detail?
No. IFS lets us work with the parts showing up now, and you decide whether and when to go near older memories.
Does talking about parts mean something is wrong with me?
No. IFS treats having parts as a normal feature of every mind. It is a way of describing inner experience, not a label.
Can IFS be done by telehealth?
Yes. Parts work translates well to video sessions for anyone located in Oregon, and in-person sessions are available in Eugene.
What IFS Work Can Include
- Getting to know protective parts before approaching painful ones
- Asking parts what they fear, rather than forcing them to stop
- Building a relationship between your parts and Self
- Pacing that follows your system, never a schedule
- Pairing with somatic work when parts show up in the body
- Playful, visual versions for teens
Next Step
Start With a Free 30-Minute Call
A short conversation so I can hear what is going on and we can decide together whether this is the right room for it.