---
title: "Social Anxiety Therapy in Eugene | Ubuntu Counseling"
url: https://ubuntucounselingeugene.com/services/social-anxiety
description: "Social anxiety therapy for children, teens and adults with Heather Swaney, MA, LPC in Eugene, Oregon: gradual practice chosen with you, and affirming."
lang: en
---

Anxiety Therapy: https://ubuntucounselingeugene.com/services/anxiety

# Social Anxiety Therapy

Social anxiety is the fear of being watched, judged or embarrassed, strong enough that it starts deciding where you go and what you say.

## What Social Anxiety Can Feel Like

Almost everyone feels nervous before a speech or a first day somewhere new. Social anxiety is different in size and in reach. The dread can start days before an event. During it, your attention turns inward: am I blushing, did that sound stupid, can they see my hands shaking? Afterward, the replay begins, going over every sentence looking for the mistake.

Over time, avoidance feels like the only relief. You skip the party, let the call go to voicemail, stay quiet in the meeting even when you know the answer. Each avoided moment makes sense on its own. Together they can make a life much smaller than you want it to be.

## Across Ages

In a child, social anxiety might look like a kid who talks freely at home and cannot speak up at school, who will not order at a restaurant, or who freezes when a teacher calls on them. Children do not usually have words for it. They may complain of stomachaches on school mornings or cling to a parent at the classroom door. My children and teens page (https://ubuntucounselingeugene.com/who-i-help/children-and-teens) says more about working with young people from age four.

In a teen, social anxiety tangles with the real pressure of peers. Group chats, lunch tables, presentations and the sense that everyone is always watching can make school exhausting. Teens often hide it well, which means the adults around them may not see how hard every day has become.

In an adult, it can look like dreading meetings, putting off phone calls for weeks, rehearsing an email a dozen times, or turning down opportunities at work because they come with visibility. You can be very capable and still have social anxiety. The anxiety is not a measure of your ability. It is a measure of how much the fear of judgment costs you.

## Social Anxiety Is Not the Same as Autistic Social Difference

This matters to me. Autistic people often communicate and socialize differently, and that difference is not a disorder of anxiety. Preferring fewer, deeper conversations, needing time alone to recover, finding small talk pointless, or not making eye contact are ways of being, not symptoms to be trained away.

Autistic people can also have social anxiety, often because years of being corrected, excluded or misunderstood taught them that social situations are dangerous. Masking, the constant effort to appear typical, has a real cost in energy and in sense of self. My work is neurodiversity-affirming. I am not here to make anyone look more typical. The goal is less fear, not more performance. You can read more on my neurodivergent-affirming therapy (https://ubuntucounselingeugene.com/services/neurodivergent-affirming-therapy) page.

## How We Work on It

I draw on several approaches, and we choose together. From cognitive behavioral therapy (https://ubuntucounselingeugene.com/approach/cognitive-behavioral-therapy) comes noticing the predictions social anxiety makes, such as everyone will notice, they will think I am strange, I will not recover from this, and testing them gently instead of arguing with them.

From acceptance and commitment therapy comes a focus on what you want social life to hold for you, and willingness to carry some discomfort on the way there. From somatic work comes regulation: steadying your breath, grounding your feet, and letting your body settle enough that you can think.

Practice is gradual and chosen with you. We might start with ordering a coffee, asking a question in class, or making a short phone call, and build from there at a pace you agree to. Nothing is forced. You decide the next step, and you can decide to wait.

## Working With Parents

When the social anxiety belongs to a child, parents are part of the work. It is natural to step in and speak for a child who is struggling. Often the kindest thing is to make small, supported room for them to speak for themselves instead. I will help you find that balance, and share the same language I use with your child so it carries home.

## Where This Fits

Social anxiety is one of several forms of anxiety I work with. The main anxiety therapy page (https://ubuntucounselingeugene.com/services/anxiety) covers the wider picture, including panic, health worry and school refusal. Sessions are available in person in Eugene or by telehealth for anyone located in Oregon, and for some people with social anxiety, starting on video feels like a more manageable first step.

## Questions About This Approach

Is shyness the same as social anxiety?

Not quite. Shyness is a temperament and can be perfectly comfortable. Social anxiety is when fear of judgment starts limiting your life in ways you do not want.

Will therapy try to make my autistic child act more typical?

No. My work is neurodiversity-affirming. The aim is less fear, not masking. See my neurodivergent-affirming therapy (https://ubuntucounselingeugene.com/services/neurodivergent-affirming-therapy) page for more.

Can I start with telehealth?

Yes, if you are located in Oregon. Starting on video can feel like a more manageable first step, and you can move to the Eugene office later if you want.

What Social Anxiety Work Can Include

- Noticing and testing the predictions social anxiety makes
- Small, chosen steps rather than forced exposure
- Body-based regulation before and during hard moments
- Clear respect for autistic ways of socializing
- Parent involvement when the anxiety belongs to a child
- In person in Eugene or by telehealth anywhere in Oregon

Next Step

## Start With a Free 30-Minute Call

A short conversation so I can hear what is going on and we can decide together whether this is the right room for it.

Get in touch: https://ubuntucounselingeugene.com/contact
(458) 215-1465: +14582151465

Related Reading

### Anxiety Therapy

The main page for this work, across every age.
https://ubuntucounselingeugene.com/services/anxiety

### Therapy for Panic Attacks

When the body sounds the alarm.
https://ubuntucounselingeugene.com/services/panic-attacks

### Therapy for Phobias

Specific fears, gently approached.
https://ubuntucounselingeugene.com/services/phobias

### Children and Teens

Therapy from age four.
https://ubuntucounselingeugene.com/who-i-help/children-and-teens

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